14 5 / 2013
Modern Vampires of the City have arrived. Unfortunately they do not want to suck my blood. Fortunately they come in the form of white vinyl with the purpose of being listened to. It’s been a long wait. I’m conflicted before I can even tear open the cardboard and hold the record close to my face like my father without his glasses, as if I can see the sounds if I just look close enough. It’s so pretty. But do I want to listen to it? I would like to sit and waste time debating this with myself, but I don’t have a chance as the anticipation wins unanimously and the sounds of Ezra’s voice are soon tickling my ear hairs. Three seconds have elapsed, do I love it? OH man I can’t tell. What if I don’t love it? What if I do love it?!
I don’t know which I want more. Perhaps I’m just not sure which I’ll be able to handle better, disappointment or pure excitement. My Gollum complex has good reasoning though, I’m sure of it.
If I don’t love it, well that just sucks (heh). I’ve put so much effort into loving Vampire Weekend. Too much, really. I’m of the belief that most musicians are true artists, that as they grow and change it’s rarely selling out, but progressing. When others start in about disliking the direction a band has gone I always want to blurt out, “But don’t you just like them as artist?!” or the time tested “What, do you want to keep hearing the same shit?”
Yes and no.
When it comes down to it, I’m convinced White Sky is my soul. I am pretty sure I teared a little the first time I heard it out of sheer overflowing joy. It’s mildly lame, you can judge me, I judge me, but it’s true. The end of the world could be at hand, ACTUAL Modern Vampires could be in the city and if White Sky was playing I’d be as happy and carefree as a loon who’d just blown up the bin. There are very few songs that have yet reached my ears capable of eliciting such a response deep within my being. Uterus deep. Horchata is probably second on this list. So, understandably, my standards are a little high. The reality is I probably won’t love anything on this album as much as I do White Sky. Which terrifies me and saddens me a little.
But the truly horrific thought is, what if I love something more? What if my one true love is outshone? What if that one thing I thought was a part of me gets replaced and then, and then… there are no real consequences and nothing changes.
Okay, glad we’ve got that cleared up, Smeagol. So, I listen to it. I listen to it a lot and I like it. It’s some how more layered yet more austere. It’s calmer and slightly more adult. It’s even dark. I love the under and overtones of faith, heaven, hell, death, and not wanting to expire. How much do I like it? I sit, still, intent, waiting… “Do I love it now?” no… “Do I love it now?” eh.
I come upon a couple parts in which Ezra’s plain speaking voice is audible and my heart flutters in a way that feels like love. Is it? I’m over 8 listens in and I am now only able to walk in a rhythm similar to Ya Hey. I remind myself that really, I don’t want this to sound like Contra’s uglier twin. I swallow and accept that love rarely forms when you’re looking for it.
I flip to side B once more and dance like a small child to Everlasting Arms. Not the cute kind of kid that goes viral on youtube, but the kid that ruins dance recitals and causes parents to say things like, “No that’s not mine, my child’s in the OTHER row.” The almost off key sounds go perfectly with my modified, T-rex version of the running man.
And this, this is all I need.
08 4 / 2012
Dear Universe, God, Gurumayi, everybody who has any say in what happens,
I pray, wish, and hope with all of my might that tomorrow makes up for today. That tomorrow’s greatness and joy is equal to today’s sorrow and anger. Please give me a reason to grin all day, or enable me to make the day that way on my own. Just please let tomorrow go swell. Let tomorrow go like it should. Let to morrow be a day to remember.
Present day: I’m not sure when or why I wrote this. Naturally everything is the end of the world in high school so it could have been anything. I just like how now that whatever it was has passed I can still appreciate it today as just a simple prayer for a better tomorrow during trying times. Thanks Young Me.
14 3 / 2012
15 12 / 2011
11 12 / 2011
10 12 / 2011
08 12 / 2011
08 12 / 2011
06 12 / 2011
05 12 / 2011